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It’s this time of the life again…

Someone who had a strong influence on me, is no more. Pieces are coming together, again. Nobody knew them like we knew them and most people knew them like we didn’t know them. I found a different way of knowing them in the recent years. It was their way of being in the world, how they knew to be. Maybe a mixture of their choice and the choice of others to buy their story?

The person I thought so powerful and a tyrant for some years, was human after all. I wept many tears, for the love not lived. I wept many tears for the moments of tenderness we actually shared. The one who hardly invited love, appreciated to receive it in the end. All those moments were lost like tears in rain.

Stefan Zweig said once:

“No one is gone, whom you love; Love is eternal now”

“Niemand ist fort, den man liebt; Liebe ist ewige Gegenwart.”

Sustainable Intelligence

I’m mostly surrounded by people who I perceive as very smart. This makes talking to them so pleasant. How do we establish  intelligence? In what context does for e.g. IQ and and other comparison metrics make sense?

I realised that even though both include “intelligence”, I value collaborative intelligence higher than competitive intelligence, because it makes more fun to work together like that, no matter what the actual topic is about. Does the way to  phrase it like this even make sense, is the competition/collaboration part of the intelligence, or part of traits or spirit of the person? In any case I even like (board) games that are collaborative much  better, then competitive ones and some friends even say it’s no fun to play those games with me, since I have a hard time playing “mean” or “edgy”. I understand there are use cases for all kind of intelligence, I just happen to prefer and feel more at ease with collaborative ones. So search for intelligence within myself and others leads me to the question: What do I need for a good collaboration?

  • Check on vocabulary, meanings and definitions.
  • Dealing with differences –  addressing resistance – for e.g.:  via systemic consensing
  • The willingness and ability  to use higher quality or more recent information as soon as it is available.
  • Empathy

At this point I want to plug my  friend Wolfgang Lukas, who is researching and offering contemplative collaboration, a project to support improved well-being and efficiency  in scientific and other  complex projects.

welcome and less welcome parts

that some parts of us
are no good.
Shall not be seen.
Are to be hidden.
Are damaging to others
Make us unlovable.

Cultural norms; loud voices; beliefs
have an important say about the names of those unloved, unwanted parts.

Anger; negativity; emotionality;
emotions that differ from those who are welcome by us, or people close to us.

To spend time with people who are able to witness you,
in those states, those parts of you,
can be a very powerful path towards
integrating those parts; connecting; healing

wholesome beings!

I’m a very happy being to have such presences in my life.

how courage always pays

Whenever I’m courageous and the outcome of my courage
is not the “best” possible variant of all worlds,
so to say, the fulfillment of my expectation,
I was still courageous.
I did my part.
I walked the extra mile

When later never comes

You might all know that kind of stories: Someone (wife/husband/etc) writes, why it is a bad idea to postpone things to later, because you never now if later will ever come, husband/wife usually dies an untimely death, before later comes. I want to share a similar and still different personal story here.

I haven’t seen my father for a long time, a year or even more. I had my reasons, but I knew I wanted to meet him some time soon, when I found a way to deal with “them”. Later never came. Out of the blue my father died (not Heger father).

I was astonished how composed I was when hearing the bad news.A few days later it fully hit me. He is gone: the last time I saw him, was the last time, no turning back. I couldn’t have known. My tears flowed freely, on end.

The second wave came today, as I was walking to work. It was much deeper and stronger. It broke out of me, with sound and movement. My tears froze down my cheeks. I felt a deep longing, to travel back in time. All the words and feelings that were hidden before, emerged from my depths.

It pains me to not have fully shared myself with him. To not have told him, that I love him. To not have told him, that I forgive him. To not have truly hugged him, to love him without fear. To accept him as he is. So I do it now. I pour all my feeling, all my wordcraft, everything I have to give into this legacy, this is my gift, this is my love, this is my story.

I ask you, dear reader to feel into this, maybe share it and also to think of unfinished business, or a grudge with friends, family or others dear to your heart.

Remember: later never comes.

There is only now.

With all my grieving heart


Enjoying the rain…

I was idling indoors, when suddenly through my open balcony door I heard the rain to start pouring cats and dogs. There I felt it: the urge to run out into the rain and play. I was running splashingly through small lakes of water, literally wetting my pants.
I jumped up and down, giggled like a child “throwing” the water with my feet as far as I could. *splishy*splashy*

My feet were burning from the sensations it’s been quite a while since I last ran. I felt the rain on my skin, the water trickling down my head, the air burning in my lungs, I smelt, felt and became rain.
After a thorough Tai Chi session I returned home.
Warm rain and that mood: what an amazing, spontaneous and lovely artist date.

honk if you’re happy!

I got the book “A Complaint Free World” (The 21-day challenge that will change your life) by Will Bowen on the 11th of July. As soon as the book arrived I got myself a braclet at a phamarcy. So what is it about? Everytime I complain I switch my braclet to the other wrist. And in the last days, I started switching it less and less. I’m looking forward to the first complaint free day. *honk*honk*. It’s an inspiring and highly recommendable book.

One of my favorite stories you find in it is about a guy who put up a sign: “honk if you’re happy” near his house. This was during a diffcult times in his life. And this small idea brought so much positivity, happiness and gratitude to his and other peoples lives. Foreigners visited him, because they wanted to know about the sign, good things just kept happening. *honk*honk*. I just ordered a bunch of complaintfree wristbands, feel free to ask me for one in about 3 weeks from now.